icourtland!

what a great feeling… NOT!!!

another FAB dinner at Heather’s place tonight, with almost no appearance from the Daisy cat. she is almost as good at hiding as Clawdio has become lately. this is not always a bad thing. meal was as usual beyond anything that could have been expected. Heather finds a way of challenging herself a little more with every meal, and always with extra-ordinary results.

lots of wine consumed. lots.

including a bottle that was NOT meant to be opened, but was SO good. when they are NOT meant to be opened they are worth a few more dollars than these friday dinners are supposed to be. this would have covered at least two trips to GOOD sushi for 4 or more of us. yup – that good.

so after, as a consolation for the good bottle opened, a trip to a local bar (a karioke bar at that) was added to the agenda for the evening. i barely made it through 20 minutes before i had to bolt for home.

i have no idea what switch has turned in my head, what it is that has made me so broken that crowds like that affect me on that level so much these days, but damn is it annoying. all i can do is stand quietly and hold myself tight to make sure that i don’t start screaming as loud on the outside as i am on the inside. i used to be able to do this, up to 6 and sometimes 7 times a week, with bars that were a hell of a lot more crowded than this place was. for gods sakes, it was only about a 100 or so people, but i just could NOT deal with even that.

so here i am at home, while everyone else gets to go out and have a good time. i get to sit here alone and just at the edge of breaking down. gee – what a great way to end my night.

i am so broken.