icourtland!

so it seems like pretty much everyone (not you, Nathan!) has been taking a bit of a blog/journal break lately. as i talk to people i see that it isn’t that things are not happening, that their lives suddenly stopped “happening” – more of a time for internal dialog for most. or so it seems.

for a while it was pretty much all the rage to have a public space to rant, a place to vent or let the feelings, thoughts and ideas find a home other than inside our heads. this can be a good thing, but sometimes not. when does exposing those parts that in our everyday lives most are not privey to to the world become too revealing?

a few days ago, Nathan mentioned that people were treating him different, and could only assume that it was from things he said on his journal and that we were being “extra nice” to him as a result. a while back miss H decided to stop herself from blogging so much since according to web-logs people in other countries were reading her words, and she found herself self-censoring. on top of that the OwlMan has a MAJOR work related blog-incident. i guess once these words are out in the world we never really know how they will affect or effect the people that we know, and what about those we don’t.

i have no idea most of the time who reads this, and i don’t really think that i need to. if i feel the need to express, to vent and/or rant – blow off steam that builds up behind my eyes, shouldn’t i do that? if my words cause a reaction in another, isn’t that what they are meant to do? isn’t this in some way a form of art? a way of reacting in the world, and maybe causing a reaction in the world that is a bit new and different from traditional art? public introspection?

sometimes i will have someone send a note of support or understanding because of what i wrote, and it takes me by surprise. something will be said that will let me know that they have read the words, or the intention of the words. it makes me feel less alone in the thoughts and ideas in my head, and people that don’t really know me get a little more insight into the bits and pieces that make me up. i get to open up a little bit, and basically have to just go with the “let it go” approach once i hit the “publish post” button.

a few times i have gone back to delete a post, and realized how wrong that would be. i spent the time opening up something in me, letting others “in” a little bit (and once or twice a bit more than a little) and to pull that back would be wrong. if i found/made the time to write, i should leave it out there and deal with the reactions as they come.

amazing to me how often those reactions are positive and supportive…