icourtland!

it has now been just over a month since Marcus went down to Texas. the strange thing for me has been that as hard as it was when he first left, each day gets a little more difficult. especially in the evenings and on weekends.

typically i am on my own during the weekday so him not being here is not as sharp as when it gets down into the evening and i really realize that he is not coming home again tonight. hard to talk myself into anything good for dinner, hard to figure out what to do in the evening and harder still to go off to bed for the night. all this time bouncing around on my own, no idea what to do or how to spend my time. i have managed to fill some of my days hanging out with Jey, but i still have to come home at the end of the day and figure out how to fill any of my time.

evenings pose such a challenge for me. endless games of solitaire or hours playing Warcraft, some stupid movie on TV that i have probably seen a couple of times already. far too many frozen pizzas for my own good ’cause it was cheap and simple. and through it all the silence.

i really really hate the weekends. although i have had some good weekends while he has been away, it still is not the same. i can go out with someone for breakfast or the day, see a movie or whatever, and then i have to come home to the quiet. and i feel more lonely than i did before, and sad that i can’t really share my day with him except for that little bit of phone time.

i miss him something terrible and really can not wait for him to get home. and then of course after a full 6 weeks of him being away i am sure that i won’t know what to do with him being here.

but i sure can’t wait for that to happen…