icourtland!

will someone please tell my brain to shut up…

been awake now since, well not sure. i first finally looked at the clock at 4am. over an hour and a bit later finally decided that i should just bloody well get up for a while since laying there was just not working. my brian is just going full bore, and i have no idea why right now.

all this weird stuff keeps popping in – not a big suprise by any means – just damned annoying.

i think i’m ready to be home.

and i think it may be time to start figuring some of my “stuff” out and doing something about it. too many negative – mostly self-negative – things in my head these days. the more Marcus does to expand his life the more i seem to shut mine down. i don’t know what it is that makes me feel so “not enough” about myself, but it really is getting out of hand. i can’t seem to get a grasp on what it is that i am so afraid of that i hold myself back so very much. i’m missing out on so much that this world has to offer, is presenting to me left and right, and i just don’t knoiw why.

part of it is my being afraid of “being judged” – which is just wrong since the worst critic i will ever have is myself. fear and self-doubt are a crippling combination.

so where do i go and what do i do?