the bit at the end were Eddie says ” I think she’s cleared a blockage or something” is about right on target for the end of 2008.

it has been one crazy crazy year, one full of amazing highs and lows. but i will tell you that i have learned a lot this year, made some pretty astounding changes in my life and grown much more than i would have thought possible.

somehow i managed to start the transition from being one of those people up there doing things i could not imagine myself ever doing, to BEING one of those people doing those things. i have learned so much about myself in the process, where my borders and blocks are, and how to push through as much of them as i could. i know so much more about how to even go about pushing them, more than i think i learned in many combination of years leading up to this one.

there have been stumbling points, and those are sure to still cross my path from time-to-time – but i am not letting them stop me anymore.

i go into 2009 with an intention and a focus – with the power from within to manifest what i need in this world. i am part of a magical community that is really creating change and growth for more than just ourselves. i have a home in a city that i love, with an amazing man at my side who encourages me to move and grow and create and be more because he knows i can be. i have an amazing and astounding abundance of love manifesting all around me all the time, and for the first time in my life i am really taking notice of it all. and i am thankful on a soul-deep level for these things and for so much more.

all of us – one step at a time – has the ability to change the world, and we are all doing just that every single day in every single breath that we take. just by choosing the path of love, and choosing to be happy we become the change and the growth.

2009 is a year of positive focus and intent.

so mote it be – and so it is!

but the tree is sick, and is far far far too large for the space. it drops leaves like there is no tomorrow that cover every available space possible. it makes clean up back there a complete nightmare. by the time you spend an hour raking leaves and hauling them out, you have no energy for anything else. and then the fact that it causes so much shade that other plants suffer from too low a light. the weirdest thing is the fact that it is blooming a ton of pollen right now! that’s right – pollen blooms at the start of September!

as i look out from my desk, the amount of light in the kitchen right now is like i have the lights on at night, only brighter. it is a little bit odd to see. i am almost afraid to go see what the process looks like right now, but i will go in a moment or two.

stump grinding (doesn’t that sound somewhat dirty?) to come – can not wait for that sound to start! the chainsaws are not all that bad at the moment, but i know more of that is to come too.

think i will place a candle on the old stump-space once they are gone.

gonna miss ya’ mr. tree…

The Knight’s City Guard

Take Which Chess Piece are You Test? at HelloQuizzy

as a bit of a preface, several months ago i was bouncing along the interwebs, as i do, and discovered that one of my all-time favorite musical groups from the roaring 80’s was coming together for a brief reunion tour. unfortunately at the time it was just a dozen or so shows in the UK at the time, so i was happy to see them touring, but not so happy that it was not in the US. then, a few weeks later they announced US dates – including one here in the Bay Area! a was just a buzzy little monkey! needless to say we got tickets!

well last night was the show – and so i finally got to see Yaz perform – and in their actual first-ever performance here in the US! they were scheduled to show in Vegas the night before, but i read that show was canceled, so we were the first!!

MUNI and BART cooperated all the way there – we exited in Oakland just a block from the wonderful Deco-perfection of the Paramount Theatre – the doors were open already so no wait in line outside at all. the pre-show DJ was spinning up a storm with lights zooming and flashing all around the main performance hall. a short wait for a couple of well-made cocktails, and a bit more of a wait for a couple of t-shirts (required) and then off to our seats.

and those were next to perfection. not too far so we could really see what was going on, and not so close that the level of sound could potentially blind us. and we sat with nervous anticipation noticing how simple and bare the stage was. one simple microphone on one side, and a simple computer stand with an Apple PowerBook and a small-ish keyboard right below it.

only a little bit after we settled into our seats and were watching the extremely boy-heavy crowd, the DJ ended his set and took a quick wave before walking off stage to at least polite applause. we were primed and we were ready – bring ‘em on!!! and a few minutes later – there they were!

no hesitation – they just jumped right in and the crowd exploded. and we danced, and we sang, and we clapped along and were filled with memories, sound and emotion. i was finally seeing one of my all-time favorite Divas belt out her best and i was in my own little slice of heaven. i will admit that Alison was a bit over-miked and the reverb was a bit much, but the sound hit me full in the chest and i was just vibrating.

and i had so much fun along with my dancing around like a mad man just watching Alison. in the beginning she barely did a back-and-forth sway to the music, but after a while she seemed to get more into it and started dancing. i knew those classic 80s moves – i did those classic 80s moves. at the very end of the show she kind of “cut loose” compared to earlier in the show, and i just laughed and smiled and sang louder and danced harder.

the show was pretty short – they after all did only have 2 albums to pull from – but it was paced well and timed out really well. i don’t think i could have asked for more – well i could have but i was so happy to have what i got that i would not have done so.

getting home with all the other boys crowded onto BART and then MUNI was as smooth a trip as i have ever had. and i was right back in my room with iTunes ready and playing Yaz remixes until i finally crashed for the night. …sigh.

one more of my Divas to see – anyone know how to stalk Kate Bush?

the last real post was way back on Imbolc, so i misses writing about Ostara entirely, even though it was an amazing night and i had a lot of stuff going on. that night followed up by a Brotherhood of the Moon full Moon circle in which i also had a lot to do really drained me. probably why i did not write a blog entry about them.

the big CAYA Beltane was last Friday night, a day late but what can you do? we try to get as close to the right day on a Friday or Saturday night and just celebrate like it is the exact date.

we had this at a private residence up in the Oakland hills. the lady that offered the space to us has been attending our circles on and off for a while, and had a space that she had created in her large backyard garden that needed people to feel really like true sacred space to her. and what a garden it is – it held about 40 of us a little on the tight side, but was so beautiful and perfect for the night. surrounded with flowers and trees, a beautiful altar set-up and 2 fire pits burning high.

and the whole event was to be a masquerade, so everyone was in some kind of costume and had masks on, from some very simple ones to some that were quite ornate. the masks and costumes combined with the wonderful garden made the whole night feel like a fairy excursion. magickal indeed!

the big surprise for me was when a little less than halfway through ritual when it was time to call and crown the May king and Queen. i knew this was part of the night’s events, but i did not know that they would be calling MY NAME as the May King! so much for having a night that i got to just kick back and celebrate instead of presenting or “working.” so i approached the center and was “challenged” to prove my worthiness of the role, and then afterwards a crown of leaves was placed on my head and i was named the May King. i really felt pretty special, and later having everyone pass between the fire pits to be welcomed and acknowledged by the May King and Queen and bowing to each of us was humbling and really made me feel quite special.

it had been a weird emotional week for me, and having this happen let me put a lot of that aside and let me know that i really am on the right path for me and doing the work that i am supposed to be doing. it has been a long time since i felt that special, and even more rarely in a large group of people. my heart was smiling quite a lot for the next several days.

but then back to the real world – been busy working and trying to keep as caught up as i can with 2 magazines at the same time. trying to get out of the house and do some walking every day as i can. just the day-to-day stuff and life as usual.

as long as i make the time for the celebrations and the magickal times, the everyday will just have to be what it is.

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (95%)
3. New Age (82%)
4. Liberal Quakers (81%)
5. Mahayana Buddhism (74%)
6. Scientology (74%)
7. Secular Humanism (74%)
8. Hinduism (72%)
9. Jainism (71%)
10. New Thought (71%)
11. Reform Judaism (71%)
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (58%)
13. Bahá’í Faith (58%)
14. Taoism (57%)
15. Sikhism (56%)
16. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)
17. Theravada Buddhism (51%)
18. Orthodox Judaism (50%)
19. Nontheist (48%)
20. Orthodox Quaker (48%)
21. Islam (44%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
23. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (22%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (20%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (14%)
26. Roman Catholic (14%)
27. Jehovah’s Witness (11%)

so – what about you?

i miss you like crazy my little babycat…

Marcus and i went to the Pantheacon for the weekend down in San Jose. a super big Pagan conference – over 2,500 of us – that is held every year over the President’s Day weekend. we arrived around lunchtime on Friday, JUST in time for the opening ritual that was being led by a couple of the folks in my coven along with some other groups in the festival. it was such a cool way to start the weekend. and i really just did not slow down the entire time we were there. back to back presentations, workshops and rituals over the whole weekend. so much in fact that we had to take Monday off from any of the events because we were so wiped out.

we met a LOT of people and made some new friends. i had people come up to me, recognizing me from a pagan men’s site that i am on. and such compliments! my head was spinning from all the things people had to say to me. lots of hugs and flirting – never really had that in my life, so i was really a bit overwhelmed by it at times. in a good way, but for me it was still a bit of an odd feeling. and a lot of my shyness just melted away. what a truly transformative event.

i learned a great deal, and have a lot of ideas and things to incorporate into my practice. a couple of them are everyday things and a few new paths and ideas to explore. there was a lot of trance-work and shamanic journey work, something that i need to explore a bit. i am still trying to process some of what i experienced in a few of those.

but the weekend is over and i had to come back to the “real” world. over the weekend i had received an email coupon from Border’s Books for 40% off a book, so i headed over there earlier today to see what i could find. i mean come on – 40% off? i HAD to go take a look.

and then it happened – the one thing that always seems to happen after an amazing weekend that almost takes you down to a level lower than the lowest low after being on the highest high that you had all weekend long. the thing that happens that makes you feel powerless in that one moment to make any kind of change in the world. the thing that happens in one flash, the thing that you know you can do nothing about and that confronting it would make the situation so much worse than it already was.

and what really was the white-hot poker that brought me down from such an amazing time this weekend?

i overheard a woman walking with an older friend as they passed a display near the kids section. “oh no” she said. “she isn’t allowed to watch ANY of those Harry Potter movies, not yet – not until she is at least 13.”

“those movies feature Witchcraft!”

1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

well i had to make the composite like he did, but what are the odds of this:

out of a RANDOM Wikipedia dearch i got OASIS as a band name… weird.

and i love that the quote came from Douglas Adams – “Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

so true.

something i have not blogged about before is that i have started an initiation path with the folks of CAYA, on my way along with several others to become one of the community of priest/preistesses for the coven. although our first initiation starts in February of the coming year (and then goes on for a year-and-a-day) we “pledges” were asked to be the ones to plan this years Yule celebration and ritual. so many wonderful ideas were brought to the table, and so much inspiration came in to help us adapt and figure out how to make as much of the ideas work. well i don’t think that it could have worked out any better than it did.

all of us new folks had our nervous jitters and apprehensions, but we made it through – and with flying colors! we were all expecting about 20 to 25 people, and we had over 40 to 45 arrive! a great deal of new faces were there, and some friends that were so very nice to see again. even with the added crowd, we just clumped in closer together, re-focused ourselves and put on a wonderful and magick-filled event.

one thing that has me all a-glow today is what happened after during the social/cakes and ale afterwards. our founder and high-priestess, Rabbit, stopped the celebration for a moment to make an announcement that pretty much too me by surprise. she wanted to tell everyone about the brand new CAYA website that i put together in iWeb (with some incredible writing on her part) and had just made fully live the day before. that was so nice, but she did not stop there. she then talked about how involved in the ritual i had been that night and all through the planning, all of the little bits and pieces (some i did not know she even knew about!) that i had done to get things ready – and then led a round of applause – FOR ME!! and guess what, i did not freak out or sink into the floor or feel a need to run out the door. pretty amazing, eh? i have not felt this good or smiled this much in a very long time.

it is hard to write about how being involved with this group has been like for me. such an outpouring of love and acceptance, opportunities for growth and change and a real sense of community that i really feel like i belong to. funny that at this moment i flash back to some of the old days at the Alabama Theatre in Houston and my days doing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. those days were magickal in their own right, but this is so much better. it is really like coming home. i really have made the right decision to be a part of this group.

so to anyone/everyone out there – the long winter darkness is coming to an end, the Sun really is coming back to the world. i can really attest to that right now.