Well, once in a while there is something that happens to be pretty darn profound that can alter the way that I think about things in general, and one happened to pop in the other day that did just that. Funny enough it was in one of the recent issues of a Star Trek comic, one not normally know for any big philosophical insights – however this one page really made me stop and take notice.

This happens between big scenes in a conversation between Jean-Luc Picard and Guinan as Picard asks about a particularly dangerous mission and the chances that they could possibly succeed. for those of you not up on Star Trek mythology, Guinan is from a race that perceives time differently than humans and so is always full of insights and perspectives that are of interest to those who know of her gifts.

the following is from a page that made me stop – and I knew that I had read something profound and important that I needed to share.

—–
Picard
No games, no riddles, just tell me. Can we possibly succeed?

Guinan
Jean-Luc. So logical, so linear. Sometimes you’re practically a Vulcan. Something either will happen, or it won’t. There is no “possibly”

Picard
I don’t understand.

Guinan
Ask yourself: have you even been caught in a thunderstorm?

Picard
Guinan, I said no riddles.

Guinan
This isn’t. It’s just a question. In fact, it’s your question. What were the chances? Of getting hit by a single drop of rain.

And I don’t mean apart from the rest of the rain. I mean that the clouds above would burst at exactly that moment.

You look at the sky every morning, and never calculate that something so common as a cloud results from countless uncharted variables.

Infinite possibilities, all drifting into line, one after the other converging on that single instant.

The chance of even a single drop of rain falling on you is so small, so fleeting, that it hardly exists at all. And yet, in a thunderstorm, you’re hit by thousands. It’s unavoidable.

You ask what your chances are?

Time isn’t a possibility Jean-Luc. It’s inevitability.

And the only question… is whether you head into the storm.
——

and so I ask of you now – what storm are you heading into? Are you ready for the rain?

so, part of my spiritual daily practice work is to pull a Tarot card for the day. I usually do this right before I journal. Some days it gives me a little insight into my day that I can write about if nothing else interesting is going on. After all, sometimes I really just do not have three pages worth of stuff to write about, so falling into the image on the card can help me tune into my instinct and intuition. Some days go better than others, but it is the intentional act that is the key for me.

over the last couple of months I have been getting court cards a LOT – far more than statistics would seem to allow. after all, in a deck of 78 cards there are only 16 of them, but there they were popping up day after day.

the last two weeks have been quite different. but once again, some of the same cards over and over again.

I don’t use what most people thing of when they think of Tarot cards – the Rider-Waite deck. When I first started getting back into Tarot I happened on a deck called the Archeron Tarot and fell in love with it. It does have rather dark imagery, but for someone who reads cards from an intuitive side it is really easy to fall into it. The images are quite different from the Rider, and don’t often fit the same “standard” meanings.

in the last several weeks the 5 of Wands has been showing up. we are talking five or six times since mid-December.

and now, actually two days in a row, I have pulled the 5 of Cups

Yesterday when I was shuffling and near the end, the Ace of Cups just plain fell out of the deck, face up on my desk. I also went ahead and pulled another card, that was the 5 of Cups. So yesterday was both the Ace and the 5. Pretty crazy, eh?

and yes – I do shuffle the cards. Three times with a cut-shuffle, and then three times with a full riffle-shuffle, then cut the cards. This is a lot of mixing – so the chances of the same card coming up is slim. Professional card illusionists work at having the same card come up, in a deck of 52 – this is 78 cards so the possibilities are far slimmer even if you are trying to get the same card. This is freaking me out a bit.

This deck is really trying to talk to me. But guess what… I lost the little white book that came with the deck to see what the artist was thinking when he came up with these images. How annoying is that? The images don’t really match up with the Rider-Waite, so the meanings that are typically assigned to them just don’t fit. So it is down to my own intuition on what they are saying and what I feel that they mean. And then to have them come up over and over again – am I missing the message entirely?

the 5’s are about breaking out from the stability of the 4’s – growth and change. They represent all four elements combined with Spirit, the five points of the pentacle/star. The 5’s are also the halfway point in that suite run since there are ten cards per suit, so it is a time of transition from the beginning point to the end. I would have to say that there have been a lot of big growth and change in my life these days, so I guess I do understand that. But wow – do I need the reminders over and over again??

and oh yeah – Wands are Fire (creativity, spirituality and energy) – Cups are Water (Love, Emotion, Empathy) – odd combination.

I know the scans are pretty rough, but do you see anything in them that calls to you? What do they say to you that you might want to share with me?

the bit at the end were Eddie says ” I think she’s cleared a blockage or something” is about right on target for the end of 2008.

it has been one crazy crazy year, one full of amazing highs and lows. but i will tell you that i have learned a lot this year, made some pretty astounding changes in my life and grown much more than i would have thought possible.

somehow i managed to start the transition from being one of those people up there doing things i could not imagine myself ever doing, to BEING one of those people doing those things. i have learned so much about myself in the process, where my borders and blocks are, and how to push through as much of them as i could. i know so much more about how to even go about pushing them, more than i think i learned in many combination of years leading up to this one.

there have been stumbling points, and those are sure to still cross my path from time-to-time – but i am not letting them stop me anymore.

i go into 2009 with an intention and a focus – with the power from within to manifest what i need in this world. i am part of a magical community that is really creating change and growth for more than just ourselves. i have a home in a city that i love, with an amazing man at my side who encourages me to move and grow and create and be more because he knows i can be. i have an amazing and astounding abundance of love manifesting all around me all the time, and for the first time in my life i am really taking notice of it all. and i am thankful on a soul-deep level for these things and for so much more.

all of us – one step at a time – has the ability to change the world, and we are all doing just that every single day in every single breath that we take. just by choosing the path of love, and choosing to be happy we become the change and the growth.

2009 is a year of positive focus and intent.

so mote it be – and so it is!

the last real post was way back on Imbolc, so i misses writing about Ostara entirely, even though it was an amazing night and i had a lot of stuff going on. that night followed up by a Brotherhood of the Moon full Moon circle in which i also had a lot to do really drained me. probably why i did not write a blog entry about them.

the big CAYA Beltane was last Friday night, a day late but what can you do? we try to get as close to the right day on a Friday or Saturday night and just celebrate like it is the exact date.

we had this at a private residence up in the Oakland hills. the lady that offered the space to us has been attending our circles on and off for a while, and had a space that she had created in her large backyard garden that needed people to feel really like true sacred space to her. and what a garden it is – it held about 40 of us a little on the tight side, but was so beautiful and perfect for the night. surrounded with flowers and trees, a beautiful altar set-up and 2 fire pits burning high.

and the whole event was to be a masquerade, so everyone was in some kind of costume and had masks on, from some very simple ones to some that were quite ornate. the masks and costumes combined with the wonderful garden made the whole night feel like a fairy excursion. magickal indeed!

the big surprise for me was when a little less than halfway through ritual when it was time to call and crown the May king and Queen. i knew this was part of the night’s events, but i did not know that they would be calling MY NAME as the May King! so much for having a night that i got to just kick back and celebrate instead of presenting or “working.” so i approached the center and was “challenged” to prove my worthiness of the role, and then afterwards a crown of leaves was placed on my head and i was named the May King. i really felt pretty special, and later having everyone pass between the fire pits to be welcomed and acknowledged by the May King and Queen and bowing to each of us was humbling and really made me feel quite special.

it had been a weird emotional week for me, and having this happen let me put a lot of that aside and let me know that i really am on the right path for me and doing the work that i am supposed to be doing. it has been a long time since i felt that special, and even more rarely in a large group of people. my heart was smiling quite a lot for the next several days.

but then back to the real world – been busy working and trying to keep as caught up as i can with 2 magazines at the same time. trying to get out of the house and do some walking every day as i can. just the day-to-day stuff and life as usual.

as long as i make the time for the celebrations and the magickal times, the everyday will just have to be what it is.

Marcus and i went to the Pantheacon for the weekend down in San Jose. a super big Pagan conference – over 2,500 of us – that is held every year over the President’s Day weekend. we arrived around lunchtime on Friday, JUST in time for the opening ritual that was being led by a couple of the folks in my coven along with some other groups in the festival. it was such a cool way to start the weekend. and i really just did not slow down the entire time we were there. back to back presentations, workshops and rituals over the whole weekend. so much in fact that we had to take Monday off from any of the events because we were so wiped out.

we met a LOT of people and made some new friends. i had people come up to me, recognizing me from a pagan men’s site that i am on. and such compliments! my head was spinning from all the things people had to say to me. lots of hugs and flirting – never really had that in my life, so i was really a bit overwhelmed by it at times. in a good way, but for me it was still a bit of an odd feeling. and a lot of my shyness just melted away. what a truly transformative event.

i learned a great deal, and have a lot of ideas and things to incorporate into my practice. a couple of them are everyday things and a few new paths and ideas to explore. there was a lot of trance-work and shamanic journey work, something that i need to explore a bit. i am still trying to process some of what i experienced in a few of those.

but the weekend is over and i had to come back to the “real” world. over the weekend i had received an email coupon from Border’s Books for 40% off a book, so i headed over there earlier today to see what i could find. i mean come on – 40% off? i HAD to go take a look.

and then it happened – the one thing that always seems to happen after an amazing weekend that almost takes you down to a level lower than the lowest low after being on the highest high that you had all weekend long. the thing that happens that makes you feel powerless in that one moment to make any kind of change in the world. the thing that happens in one flash, the thing that you know you can do nothing about and that confronting it would make the situation so much worse than it already was.

and what really was the white-hot poker that brought me down from such an amazing time this weekend?

i overheard a woman walking with an older friend as they passed a display near the kids section. “oh no” she said. “she isn’t allowed to watch ANY of those Harry Potter movies, not yet – not until she is at least 13.”

“those movies feature Witchcraft!”

a double-blessed night for sure. in our main ritual last night to celebrate Imbolc, three of our priestesses invoked Brigid and did a fire gazing oraclular for our community and for some individuals as Goddess called them. some quite moving things were said – one of the ones that really got to me was about using that fire within. that strong fire that is our will and our strength can be used for so many things, it can create weapons, but it can also create tools. it can be used to destroy, but also to create. and if a tool or a weapon has been made that no longer server, the fire can reforge it into something that will. so many weapons have been forged in this world that are no longer needed, and it is up to us to use our own fires to force a change in that. time for us as magickal beings to institute change, to learn and to teach about creation and not destruction.

our second great work for the night was to have the current priestesses of the coven to welcome in the new initiated for the year. i am honored to be a part of that group. it took some time to welcome in all 14(!) of us, but the energy was amazing, as is the company i am initiated with. we start this new path as individuals, but have come together in a strong and loving circle and are bound together by our vows and by love and family. i was asked to lead our own personal grounding before we met with the group at large, and the words just flowed from me. i truly am in the right place, at the right time and doing the right thing.

i am tired as all heck at the moment – but feeling amazing…