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not sure how to title this…

courtland — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 20:05:27 +0000

this is SO not safe for work – but ummmm…. wow?

tears

courtland — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:34:40 +0000

i tried so hard – so very damn hard – not to give up hope. the numbers were not what i wanted to see last night before bed, but it was still early and a lot of ballots had not been counted.

this morning i almost jumped out of bed to go and look, sure that the story would be different this morning. this was not to be. but still, i held so tight to the hope. still over 2 million ballots to check, and with a lead of just over 400,000 there was still so much possibility, so much promise. it could still happen. we could still win.

5 minutes ago i finally pulled up enough courage to look again – and i can hardly stop the tears.

people in this state voted more rights to animals than they did to me and Marcus. caged animals now have more freedoms than i do. i have nothing against animals – but that is just not right.

hope has just been ripped from my soul.

my heart is breaking

courtland — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 21:12:26 +0000

my little boy is sick. and i don’t mean he has a cold – he is really sick.

we have noticed that Moggy has been losing weight in the last couple of weeks or so, maybe longer. over the weekend we noticed that he has gotten downright boney – far far thinner than we had noticed previously. we decided that we NEEDED to get him to the vet so we got an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

when she weighed him i nearly lost it – he has lost almost 5 pounds from the last visit. that may not sound like a lot, but when he was just under 15 pounds back then you get the reason i was about to freak out. she took blood and promised to call us with lab results the next day.

that was this morning, and i have barely come up for air since then.

my poor baby has Feline Chronic Renal Failure. basically his kidneys are failing and working at under 25% of what they should be. there is no idea what causes this, and it is pretty common in older cats, but Moggy is just under 9 years old. it seems to have been a slow steady decline, which is why we did not notice something a lot sooner. he seems healthy enough, but apparently is not eating and barely drinking.

we need to take him back in to the vet so we can learn how to give him daily IV drips to keep him hydrated for as long as he chooses to stay with us. that time frame will depend on how he takes to the treatment and a new diet that will hopefully help as well. this is just the start of a long road ahead of us.

and right now i just can not stop crying.

adrift

courtland — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 18:43:10 +0000

not sure the exact reason why, but for the last week or so i have been feeling even more out of place than i usually do. something in the back of my head just does not feel “right” and i have no idea why.

although sitting here in front of this screen and working, or waititng for work that should be coming in, is boring me to tears (almost literally at some times) i have no desire to get out of the house, or don’t feel like i have anywhere to go or anything to do. i have let all of the potential projects fall away, have no books that i don’t already own (and have not read anyway) that i want to look for or anything to aim for if i do get out of the house. without a goal or a purpose i just don’t feel the need to leave.

maybe it is just the pre-trip jitters. i am feeling aprehensive about the coming trip, just a little over a week away. getting on an airplane has never been something that i liked to do, and the idea of sitting in one for up to 12 hours makes me insane. i am looking forward to actually being in Amsterdam, and to a point in Berlin as well – but i am not as exited as i think i should be for such a big trip. one would think that i would be barely containable about this, but i feel ambivalent about the whole thing, like it is happening to someone else who i am happy for, but not like it is happening to me at all. maybe that will kick in when i actually start to pack.

life has become very strange for me as of late – and i know that there needs to be some changes, but i have no idea what those changes should be, how to figure out what they should be or how to start working towards them. just confused – a little sad – and adrift…

been a while, hasn’t it?

courtland — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 20:27:01 +0000

as you see these new words from me, you may have noticed that the whole look of iCourtland is changed up. i got a little tired of the, well lets just be nice and say “poor” interface from Apple’s iWeb. i have to say that what you can do with it can look pretty nice, and if you host your site at your .mac account it is probably pretty good.
i did like the way adding pictures to any post was very easy, and you can control several elements of those pictures pretty well. however, since i don’t host this at .mac, it was a pain in the @$$ to get things posted and updated. since i did not enjoy the hoop-jumping so much i kind of lost the will to blog for a while.

as you can see – changes have been made

i am now a WordPress boy. it feels a little bloggeresque, but a lot more robust. we will have to see what happens over time.

it is my intention to do this a little more often, and with a little more to say than i have been as of late. as i went back and looked at some of my older posts compared to my recent, i realized that i quite possibly have been avoiding looking at or writing down more of the harder stuff. i do tend to self-edit more than i should, and maybe felt a little more exposed than i think i should have felt. but it has been pointed out to me recently that it is a good thing to “put ones self out there a little” in order to get the benefits of blogging and journaling. if i don’t sit here once in a while and really pour some stuff out, it is going to really build up in a bad way.

so all that said - i am going to make an effort to really say something a little more often. there will likely still be some silly stuff in here too, it is me after all.

oh and another cool thing about the WordPress concept – comments are back!

Tim Gunn NETWORK??

courtland — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 01:25:40 +0000

ok – the new trend of having YouTube on every blog entry is getting old on a couple of sites, so here i am embracing it even though i know i shouldn’t – but sometimes you just can not resist sharing one that makes you roll out of your chair and laugh until you can not breathe.

this is one of those videos.

the fact that Tim actually helped make the video is the best part. he has a wicked sense of humor and now i like him even more than before.

go TIM!!

sad days

courtland — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 19:59:03 +0000

so a LOT of celebs have died in the last week or two, but it really hits home when one of my first ever childhood crushes has to exit the stage.

Jack Wild died yesterday of oral cancer at the young age of 53.

as shown in the picture above, he played the young Jimmy, stranded on the pop-colored psychedelic Living Island in the Saturday morning TV show HR Pufinstuf. i used to LOVE that show.

i think he was my first real exposure to an English accent, albeit a slightly “low-end” accent. it just fascinated me at the time. i did not know it at the time, but at that young age he had already been Oscar nominated for playing the Artful Dodger in the 1968 film Oliver!

look likes from the picture to the right that i may have picked up a few of my fashion traits from him.

lets see – high boots, tight jeans, oversized faire shirt and a long vest. yup that could have something to do with it.

yikes.

they are at it again!

courtland — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 19:54:57 +0000

Brokeback Mountain – with BUNNIES!!

if you have not checked out their other movies – pull up a chair and sit down for a while. some are better than others, but they all have BUNNIES!!

the Exorcist is my favorite, by the way…

another great idea

courtland — Sun, 19 Feb 2006 19:47:57 +0000

i heard about this a few weeks back, but just now saw them in action in the video one can find here.

i am trying my hardest to come up with someplace to do this, just ’cause it would look so cool.

now i know that this is not the most “environmentally friendly” idea – throwing non-disposable batteries and all, but the “art is where you find it” idea really appeals to me.

if you decide you want to make some, look here for the plans and such. and PLEASE send me some pictures if you do – i would love to see someone i know doing this!

valentines

courtland — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 19:35:30 +0000

just in case i have not mentioned it before…

i love this guy irrationally, uncontrollably and with reckless abandon.

just because it is a greeting-card holiday does not make it any more special – every single day is like a special day for me ’cause he is in it.